So, now you are engaged (yay!) and it is time to start planning. Step 1: Budget. What is so ironic about this first (and probably most arduous) aspect of the planning is that it has to happen IMMEDIATELY after you get engaged (so romantic:)). Setting a date is very often dictated by venue availability which is 100% dictated by budget. So you really cannot wait. So why is this ironic? Because getting engaged is all flowers and unicorns, while setting a budget (well at least to most wedding planners in NYC) is torturous. Wait, backtrack a second…How do you know your budget? Now we have come to an even MORE uncomfortable conversation. And here it is: who is paying for what? Wedding planners in NYC will all tell you that tradition dictates many different scenarios in many different cultures, but money often overrides all of that. Sometimes the couples pay, sometimes the bride’s family, sometimes a combo of both families and sometimes the groom’s family.
Bride and Groom pay themselves. But easiest from what point of view, certainly not their bank account?? Easiest from a “navigation of our future in-laws and our relationship with them” point of view. The only two people who have to argue (yes argue, no avoiding it) over what is being spent where and on what is the couple themselves.
This is a very hard one to weigh in on, because this is all personality based. Whenever there is parental involvement, ESPECIALLY when it comes to money, things get hairy. Even the most even tempered people can get “weird” about money. Why is this?
Again, speaking as one of many long-standing wedding planners in NYC, my thoughts are as follows: everyone views, handles and expresses themselves differently when it comes to money. One parent may feel that the most important thing for the wedding is the look and feel of flowers so they will spend anything and everything on that part of the event. But if you try to upgrade the scotch package – they deem it unnecessary. And if they are the one’s paying for it, you can’t really argue. So this becomes very difficult on the couple because they find themselves in uncharted waters – speaking about finances with your parents or future parents?? I shouldn’t say uncharted, but for most of us we haven’t had to speak to them about money since high school. So if you are currently in this scenario, all wedding planners in NYC know you are not the first and certainly not the last one to go through this. Especially in NYC, wedding planners have to know how to help you handle the awkward and sometimes scary money conversations. Try to relax and navigate it as best as you can. If someone is gifting you the day of your dreams: don’t sweat the small stuff. It will all work out in the end
I’m going to take a wild guess that a scotch sounds pretty good right now, huh?
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